Monday, August 22, 2011

Hey !! yeah it's me again

Did you think I was lost ?
Heck you didn't even miss me, didcha ??
That's okay, I been busy too.
A lot has happened since April 13th.
Ummm let's see. I got down so bad
I couldn't hardly go anymore, went to a doctor,
she put me on some pills and I'm doing lots better.

I had to go see her last thursday,
just a check up thing on some blood work
I'd donated the week before. 
I worked the night before and heard 
on the radio that sex 3 times a week 
reduces a mans chance of heart disease
and stroke by 50%..... 
I thought that was great news and was
gonna ask Doc for a prescription of sex, 3 times a week.
But I couldn't get the nerve up.
I know, hard for me to believe too.
Lisa said I couldn't afford it and the 
insurance isn't going to pay for it. I'm doomed.

Doc told me I was doing well and set me
up to come back in six months. 
As I was getting up to leave she said... 
"I want to do a complete physical
next time, prostate exam and all".
I looked in her eyes with confusion
and she said,,,"you're over due".
I glanced down and looked at her hands,,,, 
she has small fingers, so maybe I'll do it
,,,,got 6 months to worry about it anyway. *shrugs*

I been raising hell with upper management
where I work. Been under a lot of stress
(stress=wanting to choke the ever lovin shit outta somebody) 
We do have something in common,
I don't like them and they don't like me. 
And we're just not sure what to do with each other.
I did lose 50lbs on the..."I can't fuckin stand you" diet.
But life is good *little evil grin* 

And speakin of grins......................let's do it.

Daddy Long Legs  
· Stories about children and their views of the world are always touching.
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
· He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.
· Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders
of nature through such innocent eyes.
· Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
· He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
· 'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.
· 'They're mating,' her father replied.
· 'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked
· a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.
· 'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.
· As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied,
'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'
· 'The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment,
then lifted her foot and stomped them flat.
· 'Well", she said, "that may be okay in California ,
but we're not having any of that stuff in Oklahoma .."
"If you lend someone $20, and never see
 that person again
 it was probably worth it."
If you go to bed 9 hours before you
 have to wake up, and you wife
wants to have 2 hours of sex,
 how much sleep will you get?
8 hours, 57 minutes - who cares what she wants! 
The Washington Post recently had a contest wherein
participants were asked to tell the
 younger generation how much
harder they had it "in the old days."
 Winners, runners-up,
and honorable mentions are listed below.
Second Runner-Up:
In my day, we couldn't afford shoes,
 so we went barefoot. 
In winter, we had to wrap our feet
 with barbed wire for traction.
First Runner-Up:
In my day, we didn't have MTV 
or in-line skates,
 or any of that stuff. 
No, it was 45s and regular old
 metal-wheeled roller skates, 
and the 45s always skipped, 
so to get them to play right
you'd weigh the needle down 
with something like quarters,
 which we never had 
because our allowances were way too small, 
so we'd use our skate keys instead and 
end up forgetting they were taped
to the record player arm so that 
we couldn't adjust our skates,
which didn't really matter
 because those crummy metal wheels
would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, 
and in those days roads had real pebbles on them, 
not like today.
And the winner:
In my day, we didn't have rocks. 
We had to go down to the creek
and wash our clothes by beating 
them with our heads.
Honorable Mentions:
In my day, we didn't have fancy
 health-food restaurants. 
Every day we ate lots of easily
 recognizable animal parts, along with
In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. 
We had to do addition on our fingers. 
To subtract, we had to have some fingers
In my day, we didn't get that disembodied,
 slightly ticked-off voice saying 
'Doors closing.' We got on the train, the doors
closed, and if your hand was sticking out,
 it scraped along the tunnel all the way
 to the next station and it was a bloody stump
at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.
In my day, we didn't have water.
 We had to smash together our own
hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
Kids today think the world revolves around them.
 In my day, the sun revolved around the world, 
and the world was perched on the
back of a giant tortoise.
Back in my day, '60 Minutes' wasn't just
 a bunch of gray-haired,
liberal 80-year-old guys. 
It was a bunch of gray-haired, liberal
60-year-old guys.
In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. 
If a one-eyedrazorback barbarian warrior 
was chasing you with an ax, you just
had to hope you could outrun him.
Back in my day, they hadn't invented electricity.
 We had to watch television by candlelight.
In my day, we didn't have Strom Thurmond.
 Oh, wait. Yes we did. 
Have a great day =)

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