Friday, August 26, 2011

HEY !!! Can you believe it ?? .............Me Neither

I have been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips, thanks to my friends and family. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump...I'm not much on physical activity!.
I Learned To Love You Today

You're miserable and probably one of the rudest people
I've ever come across.

When I approach you, you turn away and pretend that
I am not there, until you're ready.

I have tried a thousand times to make you smile, and you 
have tried a thousand times not to.

I have dreaded even having to deal with you.
I even tried coming
at another time only to find you there at all hours.

The hard, staid, look on your face
remains unchanged no matter
what day it is, 
what time it is or even what season.

A "Beautiful day!" gets a moan.

"Hello, how are you today?" always returns "The same."

I have given up on you;
I have been angered by you. I have even
thought about complaining to the manager, but didn't.

Then one day I caught myself acting just like you 
and realized that I must stop.

I finally resolved myself to the fact that you
are who you are and I cannot change that.

You are a fact of my life, and I must learn to deal with it.

You made me.

The one day that I permitted myself to return the emptiness,
rude behavior, terrible attitude and silent treatment, 
you chose to say something.

I approached the checkout and you said, "Are you Okay?"
I was stunned. I could actually feel my brow, my entire face
scrunch up apparently angry that you would ask.

"Am I okay?" I said in disbelief.
"Yes." you replied.  "You are usually so upbeat and chipper."

I stood in this dream-like state confused
by what was going on.

You looked at me and said,
"I depend on you to lift my spirits
every time you come in. 
I work three jobs, my bills are piling up, 
my kids need clothes for school,  my husband left me and
three weeks later I found out I have cancer."

I was speechless.

"Now you come in with this attitude today," she said.

I actually apologized.

I never considered that you were much more than a clerk.
I never tried to understand that behind 
that face was personal pain, life challenges and loss.

Sure you should learn to separate work
and life, but sometimes life digs in, hurts,
and you end up wearing it like an ugly
dress. It fits, but no one wants to see it.

Knowing now how difficult your life is,
I will see you through the eyes of love.

Love is more than romantic.
Love is compassionate.
Love is kind. Love is forgiving. 
Love is seeing beyond the pain.

"I learned to love you today."

~by Bob Perks

A blond  city girl named Amy marries a  Colorado rancher.
One morning,  on his way out to check on the cows,
the rancher says to Amy,

 'The insemination man is coming over
to impregnate one of our  cows today,
 so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above
where the cow's  stall is in the barn. 
Please show him where the cow is when
he gets  here, OK?'

 The rancher leaves for the fields. 
After a while, the artificial
 insemination man arrives and 
knocks on the front door.

 Amy takes him down to the barn. 
They walk along the row of cows and when Amy
 sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'

 The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blond, 
asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know;
how would YOU know that this is

the right cow to be bred?'

 'That's simple," she said. 
"By the nail that's over its stall,'
she explains very confidently.

 Laughing rudely at her, the man says,
'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'

 The blond turns to walk away and 
says sweetly over her shoulder,
 'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'

On the first day, God created the dog and said,
"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark 
at anyone who comes in or walks past. 
For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. 
How about only ten years and 
I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, 
"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.  
For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years?  
That's a pretty long time to perform. 
How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God , again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said,
"You must go into the field with the farmer
all day long and suffer under the sun,
have calves and give milk to support your farmer's family. 
For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you
want me to live for sixty years.  
How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, 
"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. 
For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years?  Could you possibly 
give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, 
the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back;
that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God  "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, 
play and enjoy ourselves.  For the next forty years, we 
slave in the sun to support our family.  For the next ten 
years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.  
And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.  
I'm doing it as a public service. If you're looking for me, 
I'll be on the front porch.

Why do people say, "Grow some balls?" 
Balls are weak and vulnerable.
If you want to toughen up, grow a vagina.
Those things can take a pounding. Trust me.

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