Friday, October 14, 2011

God Bless Texas

The Queen and I took another trip south. I love it down there. We had a great time. I don't know how but we have been very fortunate to meet some of the most hospitable people in our lives. Unlike me who should probably be in some kind of hospital,
in a straight jacket,in a padded room.
Thank you Texas,,,for always making me feel at home.
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.- Unknown
Desmond Thomas Doss (February 7, 1919 – March 23, 2006) was the first conscientious objector to receive the Medal of Honor and one of only three so honored.

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. 
All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order,

"What would you like, sir?"
 He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers,
 "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains
her composure she returns and asks again,

"What would you like, sir?"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers,

"A quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him
across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,
 "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up.

 One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask if we're open."
 Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in aloud voice asked,
"What are you sellin' here?"

 One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling assholes."

 Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left!"

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

 Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote
counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 Martinis a day.

Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never committed adultery..

Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first... No peeking, and then scroll down for the









Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolf Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it?
Makes a person think before judging someone.

Remember: Amateurs .... Built the ark.

Professionals ... Built the Titanic.


The folks who are getting free shit,
don't like the folks who are paying for the free shit,
because the folks who are paying for the free shit,
can no longer afford to pay for both the free shit and their own shit.
And, the folks who are paying for the free shit,
want the free shit to stop, and the folks who are getting the free shit,want even MORE free shit on top of the free shit they're already getting!

The people who are forcing the people who PAY for the free shit,
have told the people who are RECEIVING the free shit,
that the people who are PAYING for the free shit are being
mean, prejudiced, and racist.

So .... the people who are GETTING the free shit,
have been convinced they need to HATE the
people who are PAYING for the free shit,
by the people who are forcing the people
who are PAYING for the free shit and
GIVING them the free shit in the first place.
Just for fun, I went and had my cards read,,,,you can too.
Card #1 The World
How you feel about yourself now  »You are about to reach, or are already enjoying, a period of total fulfilment, wholeness and satisfaction - the arrival of your hearts desires. You feel satisfied with what you have achieved and are enjoying the rewards of past efforts. A time of happy outcomes, material wealth and greater spiritual awareness.

Card #2 The Moon
What you most want at this moment  »The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is some clarity and less of these confused emotions that leave you fearful and vulnerable. You want to know the outcome, because you are so unsure about how you feel. Use your intuition to guide you away from any deception and ride this out - it will turn out alright in the end. The Moon is a good omen if you are in a clandestine affair.

Card #3 The Hanged Man 

You fear letting go, yet this place of limbo and indecision is not a good place to be. Are you being emotionally blackmailed so you don't go? Don't be the victim. Sometimes we have to have the strength to let go to attract new positive possibilities in our life.
The Emperor

Card #4 The Emperor: What is going for you  »You are self-assured and more than capable of influencing people or events to achieve what you want. What's more, support and guidance from your father, husband/partner or a man of significance in your life is there for the asking. Go for it!

Card #5
The Chariot
What is going against you  »Watch out for being too arrogant or letting that ego of yours get over inflated, nobody likes a know it all. Watch that temper too, aggressive bullying behaviour will only set you back. If this doesn't sound like you, beware of someone like this that could set you back. This is a time of movement and change, and conflicts ending in victory, so don't give up.
Card#6 Strength
 Courage and self-belief is what you need to succeed. You may already feel overflowing with this, and if so there's no doubt you will achieve what you want with your career, finances and love life. If you are feeling negative, look inward for that strength and courage, you know you are capable of having self-belief and you'll reap great rewards.
I don’t know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!!!!  It's the shampoo I use in the shower!

When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning…
NO wonder I have been gaining weight!!!
Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead. Their label reads,
Problem Solved!!!
A distraught senior citizen
Phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know,
'that the medication
You prescribed has to be taken
For the rest of my life?'
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
Before the senior lady replied,
I'm wondering, then,
Just how serious is my condition
Because this prescription is marked

An older gentleman was
On the operating table
Awaiting surgery
And he insisted that his son,
A renowned surgeon,
Perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
He asked to speak to his son
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
'Don't be nervous, son;
Do your best
And just remember,
If it doesn't go well,
If something happens to me,
Your mother
Is going to come and
Live with you and your wife....'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (I LOVE IT!)

Eventually you will reach a point
When you stop lying about your age
And start bragging about it. This is so true. I love
to hear them say "you don't look that old." ------They lie.
The older we get,
The fewer things
Seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people
Try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know 'why'
I look this way.
I've traveled a long way
And some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied
And would like to go back to youth,
Think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when
Everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things
No one tells you about aging
Is that it is such a nice change
From being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful,
But being old is comfortable.

First you forget names,
Then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
You forget to pull it down.
Two guys, one old, one young are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
And I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.
The young guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...'
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'
The old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her..
What does she look like? 
The young guy says,
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall with red hair,
Blue eyes, is buxom, wearing no bra,
Long legs and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours.'

(And this final one especially for me,)
Keep Your arm around my shoulder,
And, Your hand over my mouth!

Have a great weekend !!!

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I welcome all decent comments, please refrain from using foul language. That doesn't mean you can't criticize, but keep it clean. My momma may show up.